When TV feels likes Real Life….

thanks Shonda

****contains spoliers from Thursay April 23rd episode of Grey’s Anatomy***

Thanks Shonda. WTF

It’s been 3 days and still, Derek’s dead.

I’m not really sure what happened on Thursday night, it all seems like a blur. Like it was a dream or a sequence that I imagined. But, considering I received about 10 text messages from concerned friends and took part in numerous conversations since then, I’m guessing it’s “real”.

And that’s exactly how it feels to me – and a few others I am assuming based on social media posts and conversations with friends, family members and random strangers – it feels real. It feels like we all lost an actual human being, and not a television character. And that, is fucked. Or is it? Is that what great television is all about? When the writing is so good that it makes you feel like you are experiencing real life events or that these characters that are invited into our houses every week (or for numerous hours at a time if you are a binge-watcher) are actual people – that have feelings, and can have such an impact on you – is that it? The purpose?

I have no clue. All I know is, that after 11 years – ELEVEN YEARS – of watching Grey’s Anatomy, they decided to kill off the male lead. Derek Shepherd. The Der of Mer/Der…is dead. Now what?

How do you tune into a show that admittedly, has moments of slow storylines or ridiculous plots but you still watch anyways because of Meredith and Derek, makes the end result that you have invisioned all these years unattainable? What is even the point now? What is there to look forward to? And better yet, how do you fix this void left in your TV-watching soul?

There are so many rumours and reports floating around about why Patrick Depmsey left/was written off. But does all of that even mean anything? How do you have a show when the male lead to your female lead – who has spent the last 11 seasons building a life and foundation together – dies? I just don’t understand. Please, someone explain it to me.

And now, we are left with Miserable Meredith, who is tolerable on a good day. Now we have to watch her “move on” and “get her shit together for the sake of her children” all without Derek. Because, let’s be real….all Meredith ever does is “move on” and “get her shit together” but we tolerate it and watch it, BECAUSE OF DEREK. Meredith only smiles and laughs and lets herself be someone other than a raging, stubborn, cynical Debbie Downer, when she is with Derek. So, now what? How many seasons do we have to put up with this “new chapter of her life” before the people at Shondaland realize what a fucking disasterous mistake they have made?

All actors have “diva attitude”…BECAUSE THEY ARE ACTORS…you deal with it. You write their storylines to include new jobs in DC, not kill them off. Because when you kill them off, you lose fans. And the fans, are your viewers. And the viewers give you the ratings that give you the money to keep making television shows and create a world of your own that you can tag “Shondaland”. You don’t kill them off and leave us with nothing but Miserable Meredith.

There is really not point to this rant, aside from the fact that it is 3 days later and I still have “Chasing Cars” stuck in my head and every now and then think, Derek is dead…fuck you Grey’s Anatomy. So really, I guess the point of this is that I have a problem, and my problem is that sometimes, TV feels like real life.

But what do they say? Admitting there is a problem is the first step….


Summer time To-Do: Lists


As many are aware, I am an avid reader and tv watcher. Seeing as it’s mid-June and all the regular prime time shows are off sipping Bahama Mamas, it’s time for us to start tackling our Summer lists. You have those too right?

What’s on yours?

The final season of Dexter? Showing some Toronto love for Rookie Blue?

What pages are you currently turning? I’m 39 pages into the Delirium series by Lauren Oliver and can’t wait to let the obsession take over!

Soooooo…..what’s on yours? Let’s compare notes…..er…lists.

O Canada…

This probably isn’t going to start the way you expect, judging from the title…but…

Today I finally brought myself to watch the finale of Fringe, which is an amazingly underrated show that came to a fantastic conclusion, leaving the fans satisfied and only slightly sad over it being yanked from the air prematurely. Joshua Jackson stars in Fringe. He is Canadian. And adorable.

So, I did like most other tv fanatics do once the show was over and my puffy, swollen red eyes had returned to normal (I swear Kleenex tissue owes me money or stocks or something…). I looked up interviews on YouTube. Many of them. Hours of them…

One video lead to another, lead to another…and then I found myself watching JJ’s interview with George Stroumboulopoulos. He has a few, and yes I watched them all. Actually, “re-watched” them might be a more realistic and honest statement. It is tres hard to concentrate on two beautiful male specimen, but then I realized that in one of the videos he was promoting his movie, “One Week”…and then further realized that I have yet to watch this film. I know….blasphemy.

It has been on my list since I saw the previews, many moons ago. But those that know me well, know that my “list” is long and ever-expanding. It even has categories…tv shows, movies, documentaries…. so, suffice it to say, I was a bad Canadian. Until today.

I was blown away. The story is heart-felt and tragic. Simple and honest.  Not only is JJ amazing in this role, the movie showcases Canadian sights, monuments, laughs at stereotypes and is chalk-full of Canadian artists and music. It also puts a spotlight on just how big and beautiful our country is. And, just how little of it I’ve seen. Hopefully that changes. As numerous places are on my list. A different list. I like lists…

Watching “One Week” also made me feel extremely happy. Happy that JJ is being true to his roots and acted/produced a movie that is so Canadian, if you are not from this glorious country, you just might not get it. There are a handful of actors out there that do this; Joshua Jackson, Jay Baruchel, Sarha Polley, Seth Rogen to name a few. Yes – we all know the Ryans are Canadian, but have they acted in a film shot in Canada, that was supposed to be set IN Canada? If so, please inform me of them….they will be added to the list. It was just so refreshing.

Normally these posts are just a way for me to publicly vent and rant…but not tonight. Tonight I am simply proud to be Canadian. Proud to live in such a beautiful and diverse county. Where it is completely acceptable to write about how crazy you are with respect to media and lists and admit that throughout the spectacular film you just watched, in the back of your mind, “ducks ducks ducks…” was silently being chanted, without being judged. At least, not too harshly…


 “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield”


‘you have one job to do…’

That was my friend, Ashley’s comment as we had a girly mani-pedi date at a, what seemed like, acceptable place of business in Oakville.

Let’s back it up a bit shall we…

They always try to win you over.

‘You want to do Bio-gel?’

That’s the kicker. Then they show you the pretty nails and how wonderful they look. You imagine the designs and colours that will transform your dull and dingy man-nails into those that grace the likes of all pop stars and models around.

‘Sure!’ you say/half-yell as you grin like a bumbling idiot.

And then reality sets in a few days after you leave the nail salon feeling (and looking) like a million bucks…your nails begin to grow. And then they don’t look so much ‘million dollar’ as they do ‘Dollarama’.

You start picking at them. One or two breaks/pops off. You even try covering them with your own nail polish in a quick attempt at manicure recovery. Nothing brings back the goodness…

You surrender and either go have them removed (for an additional cost of course) or slowly but surely get them off on your own. A painful but proud accomplishment.

That was Ashley and my state of affairs when we walked into said salon last Friday. Except, I still had 10 1/2 shellacked nails to deal with…but that’s a different tale of events.

The pedicures were great. Still is great…

The shellac on my finger nails required a ‘special’ removal process (which of course is not explained to you when they sucker you in with applying shellac in the first place. See above statement regarding ‘bumbling idiot’.) The ‘special removal process’ consisted of dousing cotton balls with Acetone and securing them to my nails with tinfoil. That’s right. I looked like Edward Scissorhands, with nubs…

On to the manicures. Both Ashley and my experiences were quite similar. Same lines and vocabulary, different nail ‘technicians’.

After removing the remaining tinfoil wraps from my fingers (as I left a trail as they fell off during the walk from spa chair to manicure desk) – I let the ‘technician’ know I had recently taken off acrylic nails and that mine were still super sensitive.

”No problem” was all she said, as she used her bamboo torture device to begin to scrap off the remaining shellac.

Never in my life have I heard myself make that sound as I yanked my hand back and cradled it like a new born baby.

‘Oh! You have thin nails. Very thin. You want Bio-gel? Acrylic?’

Seriously lady.

First you tell me what I already warned you about, after causing serious bodily harm, and then you expect me to ‘upgrade’ to the very thing that has put me in this situation in the first place??

I knew the words that would come out of my mouth would be vulgar and inappropriate. And there was a lovely middle-aged woman sitting at the table next to me. I simply shook my head ‘no’

I allowed the ‘technician’ to continue on her way. She finally went to get the colour I had told her about 5 times was left at the spa chair – seriously, 5 times as she giggled and nodded her understanding ( I use this term loosely).

And then the polish application began.

My 14 month old nephew has brought home artwork from daycare where he has stayed within the lines better than this lady.

The steam was probably visible to others by this point.

As I walked from the polish station to the dry station, I passed Ashley – who was 1/2 way through her manicure and polish application. I observed her looking at her freshly painted nails as the words floated easily from her mouth as she shook her head in awe…

‘you have one job to do…’

As I sit her writing this 4 days later – with bare fingers nails as the chipping began within 2 hours of my $45 splurge and concluded as I picked the rest off during my overnight shift last night – I vow never again to allow such materialistic glamour to persuade me to par-take in such idiotic behavior.

I could have purchased a new pair of shoes with the $45 I spent on my so-called mani/pedi combo (not to mention the dollar bills that I threw away on the original cause of my nails demise)…

Or a new purse…

Or had 4 glasses of wine…

You know, important and realistic things to spend one’s money on.

I shall try to remember this in about 6 months. When I see how ‘pretty’ the lady next to me looks with her freshly manicured nails.

I will try. But usually the wine prevents short term memory from assisting me in my decision making.

2012: and so it begins…






It’s that time again.

For everyone to look back on the past year, recall all your achieved and/or failed resolutions, remember all the amazing times, exciting events,  all the disasters and things you wish you could re-do or completely erase….

And to make a whole new set of resolutions. Do you have yours already in mind? Is it the same one from last year?

Everywhere  I look, the world is full of resolution ideas – new gym memberships, sales on fitness machines, new employment opportunities, craft store and hobbies store sales, dream vacation getaways….

I usually make one solid resolution…and 1/2 way through the year I cannot even remember what it is.

This year is different. I have a list. A list of resolutions…or what I am now referring to as “Kat’s 2012 goals”

Now, this may sound even more unrealistic  – having to complete or begin a “list” of different things, creating a “list” of things you could possibly fail at…but I look at it as a challenge. A way to “better” myself throughout 2012. And everything on  the “list” is achievable and promotes self-growth and awareness. Some of them are basic. Some are simple and can be achieved in one day. Others require discipline and months of learning.

I am super excited about the “list”. I have a feeling 2012 is going to be a good year.

What’s on your “list”?

The Kat came back…

Helloooooo la la la…

well, it has been forever. My apologies.

There is no real excuse, aside from life getting in the way. Life, and a fucking massive virus that destroyed my laptop, leaving me helpless and disconnected from the online world. Thank god for my iPhone. At least that way I could keep up-to-date with everyone’s lives via Facebook and Twitter. Isn’t it funny how reliant we are on the social media sites that keep us in the loop? What ever happened to meeting up for a coffee? hand-written letters? or actually picking up the phone instead of text messages full of slang and short-forms or messages limited to 140 characters….


I am back now.

Things that have kept me busy while not having a computer, but I wish I could have written about include, but are not limited to:

  • starting and finishing the television series Oz. What the fuck? How did I not watch this show when it was actually on air? Yes, it is based on life in a maximum security prison, so a lot of the stereotypical behaviours and storylines are drawn out. But the characters and emotions and twists that you just didn’t see coming…I was brought to tears numerous times throughout the 6 seasons (I know, I know…not a difficult task for me to accomplish…). I highly recommend this series to anyone who likes just plain good old-fashioned (and exciting and gritty and sometimes gruesome) TV. When you are introduced to Alvarez and O’Reily, it’ll all become crystal clear folks…
  • searching for a FT job. How hard is it to find a position that is worth having at a highly respectable and clinically challenging agency? Right, next to impossible. I probably should have been paying attention more on the first day of CYW class when they were discussing wages and shift work and “hot spots” to work….not chatting with my new friends, dreaming of “saving all the troubled children of the world” or sleeping (let’s be real…)
  • deciding it was time to expand my brains knowledge and potential by choosing 3 random hobbies to pick up: sign language (2 books ordered from Chapters after finding out the $350 fee was just for the FIRST course); Italian for Dummies (thanks mom and dad for deciding it wasn’t important or gratifying to put your children into Italian school when we were young, fresh and impressionable. Or at least speaking it a bit more around the house so I had a few common phrases down pat, not just the universal curse words); and learning to play guitar (still struggling. Had an amazing pal send me guitar for babies via ESL basically…but again, with no computer, my learning was put to a halt)
  • knitting!!!! It’s that time of year again. The chilly weather has creeped up on me, and as I pick out which scarf I shall wear for the day, I remember “right! I can actually knit!” (Thanks to SJ and my pal on YouTube, “knitting with Judy”…so reliable and consistent….). I find knitting relaxing and productive, seeing as I can knit whilst I catch up on my numerous television shows my PVR has saved for me. What I do not find relaxing is starting, and then collectively, ripping apart a scarf 3 times in one evening because I refuse to admit that I cannot follow a basic pattern that any third grader could probably smoke me on….I will not let it get the best of me….I will also not refer to this behaiour as obsessive, or state that I have rage issues…No. Really, it’s just being dedicated to the task at hand. A positive quality that any employer would be lucky to find in an employee… *sigh*
  • NKOTBSB Tour 2011. Enough said.
  • season 4 of Sons of Anarchy. There isn’t a whole lot I can actually talk about as not everyone is up to date on the new episodes. That, and I don’t think my nerves, heart or stomach can take any more stress that talking about it brings up in me….not on a Sunday. I am already on the verge of barfing during the 60 minutes of each week’s episode…and for the discussions with all the other SOA fans for the next few hours/days….it’s just TOO MUCH….damn you Kurt Sutter for your amazing writing and storylines and your morbid thoughts and your extremely talented cast and emotional hooks you sink into your fans on a weekly basis….I curse and hug you at the same time. If you are not watching this show….DOOOOOOO IT!!! (this goes out to you too Mel…get your ass in gear…I promise I won’t utter the phrase “I told you so” when you are so far gone that you wish you were an Old Lady living in Charming…)


I could probably go on about what other useless and obsessive tasks and activities have taken hold over me in the last few months…but now I have SOA on the brain and can’t think straight…

Maybe I should do a blog solely on television? I could ramble on for pages and pages about TV…haha…to no one in particular, and be happy as a pig in shit…hmmm….possibilities….

Really, I just wanted to say hello and make sure my page hadn’t shut down due to inactivity. And to get Coralee off my back. Task completed.

Hope everyone is well….

Until the next rant…I leave you with this…you’re more than welcome ladies…